My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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