maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
