Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
