Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
