Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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