you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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