Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
