Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
