return my video game
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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