Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
