Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
