Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
