I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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