I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Your dad touched me again.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
