She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
