just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
