don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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