I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
