dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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