he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
