doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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