In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
