My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
