How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
