Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
soo... how was my night?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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