oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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