I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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