Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
