What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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