I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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