babies were throwing up all over the place
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize