i permit you to call me
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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