Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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