Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
