What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
