you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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