you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
