Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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