What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
