How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
