So drunk its hurt
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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