he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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