Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize