I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize