I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
