he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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