you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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