I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
