if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I could make wine with my vomit
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
