Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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