Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize