my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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