Duck Duck Cougar?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
