Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
