we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
