can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
