Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
