He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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