Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
