first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
