Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
