He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
