So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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