im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize