finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
