He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
