Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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