Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
