Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
