I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
