guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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