he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
