he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Randomize
