Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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