The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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