You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
nutella sex= disaster
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
