But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So much rum. So many feels.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
