my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
