He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
